HETHERINGTON – Harry
It is with great joy and not a little relief that the family of Harry Hetherington announce his passing on April 24th. Loved ones of Harry may be a little confused to hear this news, not least after the four previous notices the family have posted in this newspaper over the past two weeks.
Harry passed away peacefully in Gartnavel General Hospital after a short, unexplained illness on April 14th. He passed away again on April 16th not far from the Barrhead Mortuary when he was shot by the Milton family after he was spotted biting their cows. Following the untimely deaths of Mr and Mrs Milton, Harry died once more on April 18th when he was attacked by a gang of youths who mistook his disheveled appearance for that of a hipster.
Friends of Harry may remember him as a prolific walker and amateur cultural historian of Old Glasgow, so may take comfort that his subsequent deaths on 20th, 21st, and twice again on 22nd took place at such well-known Glaswegian landmarks as the Govan Old Parish Church, the Riverside Museum, the Òran Mór and then again at the Botanic Gardens, by which point he had gathered a sizeable accompanying crowd. We might say Harry died doing what he loved most: sharing his passion for his favourite Glasgow haunts while enjoying the local cuisine.
Harry finally expired in indulging his love of sport when, on April 24th, his head was removed from his body by a plucky cheerleader at the University of Strathclyde. Once again, the family express their condolences to the remaining members of the University’s Rugby and Ultimate Frisbee teams—as well as their admiration of Ms Sumner’s ability to create a makeshift weapon with nothing but an Aerobie and a pocket nail file.
A cremation service will be held at the South Glasgow cemetery at 1pm on 1st May, followed by two more at 1:15pm and 1:30pm, and a pot-luck buffet reception from 3:30pm at the Hetherington House in Mosspark. In lieu of flowers, the family will be accepting donations of small firearms.
About the author:
Ruth EJ Booth is a writer based in Glasgow, Scotland. Winner of the BSFA Award for Best Short Fiction, her fiction has appeared in ParSec magazine, The Dark, Pseudopod and more. She has also won the British Fantasy Award for Best Non-Fiction for her regular column, Noise & Sparks, in Shoreline of Infinity. Ruth is currently studying for a SGSAH-funded PhD in Creative Writing, focussing on portrayals of toxicity in genre fiction. Her co-edited issue of the BFS Journal on Fantasy and Gaming is due Autumn 2024. For workshops, more free stories and events, check out the listed links.
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