Go Fund Me
Help Chi-Wong, neighborhood fairy, recovering from attack
$3,550 raised of $10,000 goal
1.2K donations
Shonda Elvin is organizing this fundraiser.
Our beloved neighbor fairy, Chi-Wong, suffered an insufferable attack at the Delizioza Gelato fairy door yesterday.
Three toddler assailants were poking at the door and squealing for the fairy to come out. Chi-Wong was not even dressed yet as it was not quite two in the afternoon, which is normal waking time for fairies. Witnesses state the three juveniles took arms with plastic spoons, a pogo stick, and several fistfuls of semi-melted gummy bears and smashed them violently into her residence.
“I am still in pain,” Chi-Wong said. “But I am grateful to the Anjul, the Fountain Square water sprite, for intervening.”
“I heard the ruckus and possessed a passing doberman,” Anjul said. “He barked at the juveniles, who ran away screaming.”
Chi-Wong endured a broken left wing, drainage of magick from her jugular vein, bruised femur, and topical processed sugar overdose, which can be fatal for someone of her diminutive stature.
Elenain, the oldest fairy resident in Greenville, said: “You know who should make fairy houses? Fairy architects. Or God. Or Pan, or whoever the hell else abandoned us. But NOT HUMANS. They drive nails into trees and paint glue on the tree bark, which fosters mold growth, stressing the tree. The artisan who built my house seeded glitter, and now I’ve got clogged bronchial tubes. I want our old home back, with rotting logs and wild mushrooms and moss, but it’s been blacktopped into oblivion and replaced by a Massage Envy.”
Until suitable accommodations are found, Chi-Wong is staying in a converted Little Free Library on Washington Avenue.
Please consider donating to help Chi-Wong. The magickal community must stick together during times like these.
Mesino Bumblefoo
$100
Humans are a sloppy bunch. Sorry you have to endure this.
Midwest Association of Free Elves
$250
This is why we must push for more hauntings, stealing of socks, and the like. We are building an alliance with the cemetery ghosts. We must take back the wild spaces from the homo sapiens!
Fairy Medics
5 St. John’s Wort blooms
Sending love and salves. Get better soon, Chi-Wong!
UPDATE:
By Shonda Elvin, Organizer
A number of magickal folk have inquired about donating found-leprechaun-pot-o’-gold. Rest assured, we have contacted PayPal and they can convert this currency into usable funds.
Jordana Nimblenone
$10
This is fairy-pandering at its best. We are put on display to let humans feel better about ruining our real habitats. How is a two-inch thick door a place to live? Fairy jail is more like it!
Noz Choonosee Fae
$25
My sister Regina Fae died of toxic fumes from a plastic jade plant her artisan put in her house. Praying for you, Chi-Wong.
Mrs. Barbara Elwell
$20
I didn’t know until reading these comments that fairy houses caused so much pain to the fairy community. I feel sick about the loss of habitat and cultural appropriation underlying the whole phenomenon. Feel better, Chi-Wong!
Rebecca Powell
$50
Not all humans are as obtuse as the so-called magickal allies who sully the planet further with their approximation of nature. We let our yards go wild six years ago and haven’t looked back. We don’t use pesticides, have all native plants, and only water the lawn with runoff from gutters in our rain barrels. Nature did not intend for grass to look like Astro-turf!
Paisley G. Garden Gnome-Reyes
$45
I appreciate Rebecca’s green gardening. But my yard’s chipmunk babies drowned this spring in a tragic rain barrel accident. Their mother slipped into a deep grieving period, and I had to cast a Delusional Contentment spell on Cerine Chipmunk for the entire month of May.
UPDATE:
By Shonda Elvin
Thank you to everyone for all your kind words. Chi-Wong is continuing to heal with the aid of purple hemlock and toadstool alcohol used to remove most of the gummy bears from her wings.
Aimish Vondewune, President of Magickal Beings Alliance
$50
Read a magick history book, humans. You always blamed elves, incubi, and succubi for your sexual mishaps and wrongdoings. You wore amulets to protect against fairies who allegedly infected people with tuberculosis, kidnapped, or murdered them when the demons were YOU all along. But modern humans are too lazy to read an actual paper book, so when Tinkerbell came along, everyone boarded the Disney train. My great-grandmother was eaten by the housecat as punishment for stealing the humans’ socks. Like she wanted anything to do with their smelly feet? Humans scapegoated us for thousands of years. NOW THEY WANT TO WHITEWASH US WITH THEIR GLITTER!
UPDATE:
$45,010 donated out of $10,000 goal
By Shonda Elvin
Chi-Wong wanted me to express her heartfelt gratitude to both the magickal and human community. With the money raised, Chi-Wong was able to purchase a small plot of land from the city and designate it a free-fairy village. It will be replete with wood-ear, chanterelles, anthills, wild prairie grass, black-eyed susans, purple clover, and goldenrod. Our hope is to create a haven for fairies free from the clutches of norovirus-laden toddlers and hipster urbanites.
Go Fund Me
Save our neighborhood unicorn, Moostafi
$4,225 raised of $15,000 goal
1.8K donations
Shonda Elvin, Organizer
Some of you may have heard of Chi-Wong’s Fairy Haven from a previous campaign. After establishing residence in a fallen maple tree trunk, Chi-Wong realized that after sundown, Moostafi the Unicorn takes refuge in the woodland forest, subsisting on the chanterelles and marshelder.
Because of the press surrounding Chi-Wong’s repatriation, tourist humans got wind of the unicorn sighting and chaos ensued.
Now we must protect Moostafi and enter her into the Magickal Protection Program. Humans are propagating the legend that only a virgin can capture the unicorn. They have since recruited the three toddlers that initially attacked Chi-Wong to yoke Moostafi to the nearest birch tree.
Pan help us all.
About the author:
Vivian has published work in riddlebird, Fusion Fragment, and The Dread Machine, among others. She is a second-generation Chinese-American and lives with her family and a genetically engineered GloFish.
Find Vivian:
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